(2:30:53 PM) Charley: im talking to nkk
(2:31:01 PM) Cait: ohhh
(2:31:23 PM) Cait: how is it going :T
(2:31:56 PM) Unable to send message: The message is too large.
(2:32:18 PM) Charley: (2:01:15 PM) Charley: I want to say I'm really sorry for the mess I made and for anything I said that hurt you, because I really really didn't want to do that. I'm not sure what made you write the journal but I shouldn't have sprung on you how I did, it's just that (especially not knowing the other people in the rp very well) I was very intimidated and bothered by some of the things that you'd said and done and it hurt me a lot because I felt like I couldn't or shouldnt do anything about it. I don't think you're a bad person even though what I think doesn't matter, I just think some things need to be.... considered in regard to people who've lived through that stuff. like me. but I'm really, really sorry if I hurt you and I hope you're okay. and I hope that you don't hate me.
(2:20:27 PM) NKaaay: I didn't know WHO was upset.  Meep just told me about it, and I hoped that writing a journal would clear things up for whoever she was talking about.  What I said didn't come out how I thought though, and I really don't think that any way I say anything will make anyone happy.
(2:26:39 PM) Charley: i think she was talking about me, I told her about it in private and she said she would help me talk to you but then she talked to you on her own without telling me, I don't know why. the resolutions that spoon and unagi cameto sssoundedd good to m,me ffucc im sorry im shaking right now ill try to type, um.... that sppoon sounded really... like, "everything was inexcusable and its okay if youre angry"? that made me feel better to read but it sounded like you made excuses, and your friend insulted my art and talked to me like i was stupid and
(2:32:21 PM) Charley: (2:27:01 PM) Charley: i dont know im really sorry i didnt want to upset you im sorry
(2:30:00 PM) Charley: I really dont want there to be a rift here even if we didnt know each other that well or anything, I would like to be your friend and not have problems between us or anything, but a lot of what youve said has really really upset mee specially as someone that has been raped in my life, and I wanted meep to help me talk to you but she did it on her own, and then I saw your journal and.... thouhgt that was a chance to talk about it but I think I was really too harsh and I made it into a mess, and im sorry
(2:31:09 PM) NKaaay: You could've just TOLD me about your situation to begin with.
(2:31:21 PM) Charley: i wanted to but you scare me
(2:31:44 PM) Charley: iffelt like you had some sort of..... higher position i know its fucking stupid and im really sorry i did this
(2:34:04 PM) Cait: ):
(2:34:11 PM) Cait: are you okay
(2:34:39 PM) Charley: im crying nad ashaking but immmm okk i gues
(2:35:28 PM) Charley: (2:32:05 PM) NKaaay: When I said that NK and Chuck were in a relationship, I meant that we've completely erased what we've created in the past because it was stuff we did IN THE PAST.
(2:32:40 PM) Charley: but that doesnt make it less hurtful
(2:32:50 PM) NKaaay: Of course.  9__6
(2:33:17 PM) NKaaay: The thing is that we CAN'T erase that, can we?  Spoon and I have BOTH said that we regret it.
(2:33:50 PM) Charley: but you also gave reasons that its excusable, thats the reason I got so upset
(2:34:53 PM) NKaaay: Because I had to let people know our reasons too or what we were doing now.
(2:35:16 PM) NKaaay: But of course we;ll never please anyone with any of this, will we.
(2:36:50 PM) Cait: jeez
(2:36:55 PM) Cait: shes so passive aggressive
(2:37:34 PM) Charley: (2:36:31 PM) Charley: plesse dont do thatdont make me feel guilty that you did something bad
(2:37:19 PM) Charley: an apology isnt an apology if you just want to be forgiven, its if youre really sorry that you did something bad and that you know its wrong and you cant ever take it back
(2:39:33 PM) Charley: idont know what to do
(2:41:10 PM) Cait: all you can do is explain how you feel, if she doesnt get it after that theres not realy much you can do, sadly
(2:41:29 PM) Cait: its okay, you're doing really well, i know this is hard
(2:41:40 PM) Charley: thhhankyou
(2:41:50 PM) Charley: (2:37:19 PM) Charley: an apology isnt an apology if you just want to be forgiven, its if youre really sorry that you did something bad and that you know its wrong and you cant ever take it back
(2:39:42 PM) NKaaay: Again, Spoon and I are never gonna please everyone are we.
(2:40:59 PM) Charley: its not about pleasing everyone, its about takiung the psittion that you did something wrong and that you need to ficx it, its not anyone elses responsibility to forgive you for doing hurtful things
(2:41:04 PM) Charley: and you did do hurtful things
(2:43:18 PM) Charley: (2:43:03 PM) NKaaay: Okay we did hurtful things and we fucking suck and we'd probably be better off dead.  I think that's the best tradeoff.
(2:43:44 PM) Cait: ugh, what the hell
(2:43:54 PM) Charley: iddiidont knowawhat to say thoo that
(2:44:22 PM) Charley: icantsstop drcrying uggh
(2:44:31 PM) Cait: i dont either
(2:44:59 PM) Cait: she's really being a bitch about this, you dont even have to reply to that if you dont want, imo
(2:46:02 PM) Charley: (2:45:40 PM) Charley: i dont know whatt to say to that
(2:46:06 PM) Charley: best i could..... think of
(2:46:15 PM) Cait: that works :I
(2:46:43 PM) Charley: thankk you for talking to me yo uguys are realyy cool
(2:47:11 PM) Cait: sure
(2:47:47 PM) Charley: im sorry that i do this a lot but im really thankful you guusys are helpful
(2:48:53 PM) Cait: its okay, you dont have to be sorry
(2:48:56 PM) Charley: (2:48:42 PM) NKaaay: There is nothing to say.
(2:49:18 PM) Cait: welp
(2:49:52 PM) Charley: (2:49:43 PM) NKaaay: Because as I've said before, this will NEVER make ANYONE happy.
(2:50:13 PM) Cait: wow she is really missing the point
(2:50:44 PM) Charley: (2:50:39 PM) Charley: why do you expect an apology to make it okay that you did these things?
(2:52:05 PM) Charley: (2:51:16 PM) NKaaay: Again SEE?  YOU say it won't and I can't see how we CAN MAGICALLY MAKE THESE THINGS GO AWAY.
(2:51:21 PM) NKaaay: WE DID THEM.
(2:51:27 PM) NKaaay: THEY WILL ALWAYS BE THERE.
(2:51:40 PM) NKaaay: Fuck, SPOON AND I MET THROUGH RPING.
(2:51:53 PM) NKaaay: I MET EVERYONE BECAUSE OF THAT.
NKaaay is typing...
(2:54:34 PM) Charley: (2:52:31 PM) NKaaay: I guess this would've all been fine if I would've never fucking talked to her in the first place then.
(2:52:40 PM) Charley: you're really missing the point
(2:52:58 PM) NKaaay: Oh I'm sorry  I always miss the point.  Of course.
(2:54:26 PM) Charley: I'm done talking to you, I don't need this. I wanted a fucking apology because you hurt me and now your're on the defensive. you have no excuse to act like this to someone that you hurt with your triggering rape apologist behavior especially to someone who has fucking been raped.
(2:55:01 PM) Charley: (2:54:50 PM) NKaaay: Well we're done then.
(2:54:51 PM) NKaaay: Thanks.
(2:55:52 PM) Cait: wow
(2:56:22 PM) Charley: i just texted charlotte saying not to talk to her anymore I hope thats not.... an asshole thing to do
(2:56:31 PM) Cait: nope :T
(2:56:43 PM) Cait: not at all
(2:58:02 PM) Charley: i just wanted to make things okay goddamimit
(2:59:12 PM) Cait: welp shes obviously not going to cooperate
(2:59:12 PM) Cait: you did what you could
(3:00:34 PM) Charley: i dont know what to do now
(3:01:34 PM) Cait: you dont have to do anything
(3:01:52 PM) Cait: nk had the chance to apologize and make this ok and she refused, so its her problem to deal with now



(4:08:51 PM) Charley: (4:01:51 PM) NKaaay: http://enkaaay.deviantart.com/journal/33499416/  you don't have to say anything, hell you don't even have to read it.  I just wanted to write more of a formal apology to let you know the details.
(4:02:08 PM) NKaaay: Of course you have every reason to ignore it and hate my guts.
(4:04:37 PM) Charley: aw I dont hate you
(4:05:24 PM) Charley: im sorry it upset you so much, but thank you for writing this
(4:05:59 PM) NKaaay: I guess it's what I would've wanted to write earlier had I thought things through.
(4:06:50 PM) Charley: can we start over? I think you're pretty cool aside from this mess and the stuff that caused it
(4:06:58 PM) NKaaay: Sure.
(4:08:54 PM) Charley: yaaaaaaay
(4:09:17 PM) Cait: oh
(4:09:19 PM) Cait: phew
(4:09:24 PM) Charley: ikr
(4:10:17 PM) Cait: well at least that didnt end badly
(4:10:22 PM) Charley: yeah