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You: hello
Stranger: What happens if a siamese twin commits a murder?
Stranger: How do they punish the one without punishing the other???
You: I have no idea, actually
Stranger: this is seriously bothering me
Stranger: its not a riddle
You: hmm
You: ask a lawyer
You: because I have just as little an answer as you do
Stranger: fair enough
Stranger: I just can't call one up at this hour
You: I guess that's true
You: ask yahoo answers?
Stranger: well...I don't care that much, dude
You: haha
Stranger: whats bugging you?
You: oh, lots of stuff
Stranger: spill
You: kinda personal
Stranger: well, maybe I can help
Stranger: and who am I going to tell
You: it's not really about that
Stranger: I'm actually not an idiot
Stranger: and I give good advice
Stranger: and I don't judge
Stranger: and I can be objective
Stranger: because I don't know you
You: it's just that after you tell enough strangers your biggest secret and they disconnect from you out of fear or anger
You: well, it gets to you
Stranger: o.k. look
Stranger: unless you have a really depraved issue
Stranger: I won't
Stranger: and be serious
You: well it's not like I'm a rapist or a serial killer or something fucked up
Stranger: thank God
Stranger: o.k.
Stranger: shoot
Stranger: really
You: I'm transexual
Stranger: o.k.
Stranger: can you define that a bit
You: goddammit, nobody fucking knows what that means
Stranger: no,look
Stranger: I have kind of an idea but I don't want to be ignorant
You: fair enough
You: I'm not pissed at you, by the way
Stranger: so ....
Stranger: I understand
You: I'm just pissed in general that there's so little information about this to the public
Stranger: yes
Stranger: thats true
You: which means I have to explain it to every person I tell
Stranger: is it that you feel like you want to be the opposite sex of what you were born as?
Stranger: I think
You: it's a legitimate medical condition that about 1 in 30,000 are born with, where you feel a discomfort with the gender you're born as and long to be the opposite
Stranger: whew
Stranger: so kind of
You: yeah
Stranger: and you are
Stranger: physically what?
You: physically, I'm male
Stranger: o.k.
Stranger: how old?
You: 16
Stranger: if I may ask
Stranger: oh
Stranger: yikes
Stranger: thats tough for anyone
Stranger: that age I mean
You: yeah
You: well, with this added
Stranger: and have you told anyone?
You: my parents, last week
Stranger: oh man
You: but before that I'd kept it a secret for uears
Stranger: and
You: years*
You: well, they're pretty supportive, if a little uninformed
Stranger: oh, awesome
Stranger: you have good parents
You: yeah, better than what I was expecting
You: though mom's a little skeptical
You: she thinks it's temporary
Stranger: yes
Stranger: thats what they think about a lot of things
You: yeah
Stranger: and so now what
You: what do you mean?
Stranger: I mean do you tell other people or what
Stranger: or do you want to go the hormone route and all?
Stranger: do the physical thing
You: my mom wants me to tell my brothers pretty soon
Stranger: why?
You: but I'm not really ready for that
You: I don't know, I think she doesn't like keeping a secret
You: but yeah I definitely want to start hormone therapy as soon as I can
You: but mom isn't sure I should
Stranger: its hard enough to deal with it yourself and then you gotta worry about other people
You: she thinks the feeling could go away, and all that
Stranger: well, if she things its temp
You: yeah
Stranger: so you like boys right?
You: I'm a lesbian, actually
Stranger: oh
Stranger: so
Stranger: you don;t need to hide an interest in girls
You: well, I mean
Stranger: like at school and stuff
You: once I'm transitioned it'll be a little bit more trouble
Stranger: well, there are a lot of lesbians out there
You: yeah
Stranger: you just cant go for the straight ones
You: obviously
Stranger: this must be some tough times
Stranger: do you want to go the whole way
Stranger: surgery and all?
You: I'm not interested in surgery
You: but hormones I really, really want to get
Stranger: what do they do exactly
You: electrolysis hair removal, all that
Stranger: I mean I know about the voice thing
You: they don't do anything to the voice
Stranger: oh
Stranger: my ignorance again
You: unfortunately
You: you have to take voice training courses
Stranger: o.k.
You: but hormones work essentially like female puberty, otherwise
Stranger: right
Stranger: breasts and all that
You: they make the skin softer, significantly reduce body hair, reshape body fat for a curvier figure, and develop breasts
Stranger: wow
Stranger: thats going to be some change
You: over time, of course
You: yeah, it's a change I'm looking forward to
Stranger: how do you feel now
Stranger: I mean
You: right now? depressed
Stranger: you hate the testosterone?
Stranger: or what it does?
You: all of that, there, that the hormones do?
You: pretty much the lack of those all bother me greatly
You: rough skin, hair everywhere
You: flat chest
Stranger: well, no, I mean the way the testosterone is supposed to make guys feel and think
Stranger: the agressiveness
You: and some things won't be able to change
You: oh, I dunno
Stranger: etc.
You: I'm not really sure
Stranger: I really feel for you
You: considering I've never experienced the alternative
Stranger: Identity issues are tough
Stranger: and then, when its a matter of your body
You: yeah
You: it just hurts to think about the things that can't change
Stranger: you know, if I can say anything
You: without surgeries and training and shit
Stranger: I'll say this
Stranger: its going to be shitty for a while
Stranger: and some things will always be shitty
Stranger: but it won't always be this bad
You: I know
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: but remember that
Stranger: because there will be times when it feels like thats bull
You: yeah, I've been through that
You: when I actually forgot about why I was working so hard to keep going
Stranger: right
You: and I expect it to happen again, and pretty frequently once I come out to a more broad audience than my parents
Stranger: screw people
You: yeah
You: I know
Stranger: they'll never leave you alone in any way
You: I've seen the ugly side of a lot of people because of this
Stranger: yeah
You: it's made me very cynical
Stranger: I can imagine
You: something I may never get over
Stranger: look
Stranger: people, in general, suck
Stranger: but
Stranger: the saving grace
Stranger: is that you find and surround yourself with those that don't
Stranger: and screw the rest
Stranger: becayse they're not worth iy
Stranger: iy
Stranger: it
Stranger: go be what you need to be
You: yeah
You: thanks
Stranger: your welcome
Stranger: the depression won't always be there either
You: yeah
You: I've heard it starts to go away once you start transitioning
Stranger: hey
You: but right now I have pretty severe depression
Stranger: have you read Middlesex?
You: on a level that for most people would make them suicidal
Stranger: very random I know
You: middlesex? no
Stranger: check it out tomorrow
Stranger: he writes about this very honestly
Stranger: its be Jeffery Eugenides
Stranger: by
Stranger: jesus
Stranger: your parents might read it too
You: I'll look for it
Stranger: do that
Stranger: he won a pulitzer for it
Stranger: people do want to understand
Stranger: well
You: some
Stranger: some
Stranger: yes
You: others aren't concerned
Stranger: right
You: I met a man on here that told me that he would kill me if he had the chance, and what was disturbing is that this was not your typical internet "hope you die in a fire" remark, he was serious
Stranger: yeah, but on here people say shit they would never even dream of doing
You: yeah
You: but it still disturbs me that that side of someone can even exist
Stranger: there's a lot of disturbing stuff like that out there
Stranger: I don't get it
Stranger: but its there
Stranger: and its against everything
You: I honestly envy people that believe in god
Stranger: color, race, creed, religion etc.
Stranger: why?
You: who have some part of them that thinks everything will be okay once everything is done
Stranger: oh
Stranger: well
You: I wish I could have that
Stranger: it hasn't seemed to have helped many
You: yeah
Stranger: and that peace you need to get to yourself
You: but it sure looks nice from the outside
Stranger: the belief itself is nothing
Stranger: they just try to make it look like that
You: yeah
Stranger: hang on, kid
You: heh
Stranger: really
Stranger: don't give in to anyone
You: certainly getting harder not to
You: but I'll do my best
Stranger: read the book
You: like I always swore I would
Stranger: remember what I said
Stranger: I meant it
Stranger: find the good ones
Stranger: screw the rest
You: yeah
Stranger: anyway, I have to go but I wish you all the luck in the world.
You: thanks
You: good luck to you too
You: I think you're one of the good ones
Stranger: that actually means a lot to me
Stranger: more than you could know
You: well
You: I meant it too
Stranger: I'd hug you but I can't
You: haha
You: it's the thought that counts
Stranger: true
You: can I just ask
Stranger: sure
You: what's your name?
Stranger: Samar
Stranger: pronounced summer
You: is that a girl's name, then?
Stranger: yup
You: now this conversation makes sense
Stranger: oh
You: haha
Stranger: yeah
Stranger: guys suck sometimes
Stranger: no offense
You: most guys just aren't as... accepting on this topic
You: in my experience
Stranger: I know
You: uh, none taken
Stranger: its like it threatens them somehow
You: yeah
Stranger: same with being gay
Stranger: women should rule the world
You: let's start the revolution
Stranger: I'm right behind you
You: I guess I'll let you get going
Stranger: yeah. i need to be up in two hours. But please take to heart what I said. I have experience on you and I know.
Stranger: and go easy on the parents and stuff
You: yeah
You: thanks
You: for being awesome
Stranger: don't make me cry
Stranger: I'm wearing mascara
You: hahah
Stranger: bye kid
Stranger: good luck
You: goodnight
You: you too
Stranger: thanks
Your conversational partner has disconnected.